WHY I DON'T LIVE IN ENGLAND.

MISLEADING TITLE ALERT!! *** I don’t live in England because I was actually not born there. I have actually never even been there. I’ve never been out of the country in which I reside. I don’t even have a passport. Thank you for listening to this long, boring, unimportant-to-our-post story.

Meet our likely candidate for Weirdest Snail Ever Award. It’s called Eucampe elastica! (It’s also called Akera bullata, Bulla akera, Bulla resiliens, or Aaera bullata because nobody can make up their mind)

You get the picture. I hope.

Though the shells above look really plain and boring and unexciting, the E. elastica has skin covering its shell. This is because it’s a type of sea hare, and sea hares are weird. Not only do they swim away from danger with their wings (I mean flaps of skin), they also shoot ink like a wannabe octopus.

And Eucampe elastica is a special case. Because it LOOKS LIKE A TREE. Just let that sink in . It is a little swimming tree. It’s like if broccoli could swim

I want one as a pet but I don't live in England because it's too scary because there a weird little trees swimming around your toes as you wade D:

Apparently they're also called "royal flush sea slugs," I don't know what that's about but then again I don't play poker

Here's one swimming:

https://wn.com/akera_bullata

See? It's a tree. A floppy one :| It's like one of those discs that people used to use. (Were those actually floppy?)

SPECIAL NOSES!

At first glance this butterfly looks normal.

Then you realize it has a big nose. Which in itself is rather glorious but it’s a little bit scary as well. It reminds me of many people I have met.

It's called an American snout (Lybitheana carinenta), which is nice, because it has a snout. Snout is one of my favorite words

Disturbingly, the “snout” on this li’l guy is its mouthparts (boringly called its “labial palpi”). It’s found in both North and South America, so if you live in either of the two chances are you can find a few in the spring or summer (hooray! I’ll catch ALL of the snouts in New York. What sounded kind of strange…).

The caterpillars eat Celtis plants. I don't know what that is. It sounds BITT.

NOT FAT

This crab is just…remarkably beautiful. And I’m not joking at all—it’s got everything a crab should, a sky-colored belly, red legs/claws with dainty yellow tips, Easter egg–pink eyes (I'll never understand), and an orangey-yellow body.

Meet the red sally-lightfoot (Grapsus grapsus), not to be confused with the ugly painted sally-lightfoot (Percnon gibbesi), which is also known as the nimble spraycrab. (deep breath) Painted sally-lightfoots are pretty—TASTELESS, (haha) with random brown/blue/red patches. Not a fan.  I totally am.

Naturally, with my luck, it lives nowhere near my humble abode, residing on the west coast from California all the way down to Peru. PEOPLE aren’t as common as this crab! (Okay, maybe that was a bit of a metaphor.)

The African version is the Ascension Island sally-lightfoot (Grapsus adscensionis).

Ascension Island sally-lightfoot
(Grapsus adscensionis)

Red “sallies” enjoy cleaning ticks off marine iguanas (Amblyrhynchus cristatus).

What a way to make a living.

IT EATS STARFISH!

Nomming on a starfish

This is the harlequin shrimp (Hymenocera elegans), a saltwater shrimp that lives on coral reefs in the Pacific and Indian oceans, typically in Hawaii.

They like a warm temperature of 72° - 82°F.

But the best thing about these shrimp is their diet.

As in the last picture above, it’s eating a starfish! (Which is fine by me because I don't like starfish. SPECIESISM)

Er, sorry, starfish fans…I just hate them. With a passion.

They are not to be confused with the freshwater Sulawesi shrimp (Caridina spongicola), which looks like this:

It's also called a harlequin shrimp because people like being confusing :(

LICE

 <--- lookin good

This is the tongue-eating louse (Cymothoa exigua). They eat fish’s faces and they even inspired a horror movie, “Bay.”

Not watching that

They live in tropical seas and as you can sea (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA) they eat fish tongues. So do some people who like weird sushis

Said people also eat horses O_O

me --->

FAMILY

This is a dawnray watchdog goby (Stonogobiops nematodes) and its friend, a Randall’s pistol shrimp (Alpheus randalli). They form a tiny family in a hole in the mud. Of course they can’t have children together. Then again that’s a good thing ’cuz their children would look like weird shrimp-goby-monsters with huge claws that make sonic booms.

Dawnray watchdog gobies live in the Indian and Pacific Oceans, in places like Seychelles, Bali, and the Philippines. And you know what? SO DO THE SHRIMP. I wonder why?

It's called a pistol shrimp because, when threatened, it blows a bubble and then pops it with its claw, creating a deafening sound that can be heard from up to six miles away! YAY!

Why is it called a watchdog goby?

Pistol shrimp are almost blind (like me!!!). So they live with the watchdog goby. If the goby senses danger, it warns the shrimp to retreat to their house, which is a tunnel in the mud (there's no accounting for taste, i mean some people live in houses shaped like toilets)

The shrimp builds the tunnel while the goby guards it so the shrimp doesn’t get eaten. I wish my friends were like that

The goby grows to 2.4 inches in length, while the shrimp grows to half that size, 1.2. (IM SO GOOD AT MATH)

TRIOPS VIDEO

Triops longicaudatus—aka the American tadpole shrimp—is a species of…thing from group of animals that are unchanged for 70,000,000 years.

Here are some of mine swimming.

They have since died. They're like fish lol

Kawaii Katerpillar

MERRY CHRISTMAS LETS CELEBRATE WITH A CATERPILLAR

(Not a suckling caterpillar that would be gross)

I have found THE most adorable caterpillar ever. Meet Diadema charonda, the Japanese emperor moth! It’s also known as the great purple emperor, charonda emperor, purple crownfly, or oh-murasaki (オオムラサキ), which means "great purple" in Japanese.

And look at its little face!

They eat the flowers, leaves, and berries of the Jesso hackberry (Celtis jessoensis). They’re native to Japan (such as Hokkaido and Kyushu), Vietnam, Taiwan, China, and the Korean Peninsula. The adult males have a wingspan of 2 inches while the females top at 2.6.

And what beautiful butterflies they turn into...

Borderlining on Weird…

This weird-looking critter is the Brazilian treehopper (Bocydium globulare), and it seriously looks like a cute little thingy that just fell from space.

Guess where the BRAZILIAN treehopper lives, everybody? Brazil! I was so shocked when I found that out.

The Brazilian treehopper is usually found on glory bushes (Melastomataceae), which they nom on happily.

Sadly, I can’t find any further info on this weird insect, but I’m glad I found out about it!

Night Skies in the Ocean

This beautiful…um, rug is a Acanthozoon nigropapillosum flatworm; it is a member of the polyclad flatworms (Polycladida). Acanthozoon nigropapillosum is not only beautiful, but it’s also very widespread in the Indo-Pacific ocean, so there’s lots of hope for A. nigropapillosum in the future!

These can reach lengths of two to three inches and are found on reefs. What they eat is unknown…

…but I’m guessing cheeseburgers.

Wait, WHAT?

KoC Fact: Stings to the Brain Really Calm Bugs Down!

This beautiful creature is a jewel wasp (Ampulex compressa), aka an emerald cockroach wasp. It is so-called because it attacks insects—usually a type of cockroach called Pariplaneta americana— and stings their brains, then lays eggs inside the still-living cockroach. The young baby jewel wasps live inside the cockroach and control its brain and slowly eat the insides of the cockroach.

EWW! What?!?

I’m sorry you read that, and I’m shocked I was so…so calm about it.

Jewel wasps live all over Africa, South Asia, and the Pacific islands. The female is about 2.2 cm (22 mm) and the male is slightly smaller and lacks a stinger.

The whole “babies control bugs’ brains” thing reminds me a lot of a tropical fungus called Cordyceps, which does exactly the same thing, but it grows out of the insect (usually an ant)’s head. The weird part is that Cordyceps fungi are made into a Chinese soup called “silkie”, which also contains seahorses (Hippocampus).

Did you know there are 54 species of seahorses in the world? Find out more about the dwarf seahorses in the on December 12!

KoC Fact: Nature is DUMB

Meet the absolutely amazing variable beautymark (Rhetus periander), also known as the periander metalmark. It’s lovely and beautiful and extremely colorful. It is from the Riodinidae family of butterflies.

The variable beautymark’s range is found in much of Central and South America, from Mexico down to Brazil and Argentina. Its habitat is lush, wet rainforests where it eats the rotting carcasses of dead tarantulas.

Wait. What was that last bit?

Yep. It’s true. Variable beautymarks absolutely guzzle dead tarantulas, which is extremely disgusting and depressing. :(

PS: 40th post already, and I published the 30th just four days ago. WHAT.