WHY I DON'T LIVE IN ENGLAND.

MISLEADING TITLE ALERT!! *** I don’t live in England because I was actually not born there. I have actually never even been there. I’ve never been out of the country in which I reside. I don’t even have a passport. Thank you for listening to this long, boring, unimportant-to-our-post story.

Meet our likely candidate for Weirdest Snail Ever Award. It’s called Eucampe elastica! (It’s also called Akera bullata, Bulla akera, Bulla resiliens, or Aaera bullata because nobody can make up their mind)

You get the picture. I hope.

Though the shells above look really plain and boring and unexciting, the E. elastica has skin covering its shell. This is because it’s a type of sea hare, and sea hares are weird. Not only do they swim away from danger with their wings (I mean flaps of skin), they also shoot ink like a wannabe octopus.

And Eucampe elastica is a special case. Because it LOOKS LIKE A TREE. Just let that sink in . It is a little swimming tree. It’s like if broccoli could swim

I want one as a pet but I don't live in England because it's too scary because there a weird little trees swimming around your toes as you wade D:

Apparently they're also called "royal flush sea slugs," I don't know what that's about but then again I don't play poker

Here's one swimming:

https://wn.com/akera_bullata

See? It's a tree. A floppy one :| It's like one of those discs that people used to use. (Were those actually floppy?)

FAMILY

This is a dawnray watchdog goby (Stonogobiops nematodes) and its friend, a Randall’s pistol shrimp (Alpheus randalli). They form a tiny family in a hole in the mud. Of course they can’t have children together. Then again that’s a good thing ’cuz their children would look like weird shrimp-goby-monsters with huge claws that make sonic booms.

Dawnray watchdog gobies live in the Indian and Pacific Oceans, in places like Seychelles, Bali, and the Philippines. And you know what? SO DO THE SHRIMP. I wonder why?

It's called a pistol shrimp because, when threatened, it blows a bubble and then pops it with its claw, creating a deafening sound that can be heard from up to six miles away! YAY!

Why is it called a watchdog goby?

Pistol shrimp are almost blind (like me!!!). So they live with the watchdog goby. If the goby senses danger, it warns the shrimp to retreat to their house, which is a tunnel in the mud (there's no accounting for taste, i mean some people live in houses shaped like toilets)

The shrimp builds the tunnel while the goby guards it so the shrimp doesn’t get eaten. I wish my friends were like that

The goby grows to 2.4 inches in length, while the shrimp grows to half that size, 1.2. (IM SO GOOD AT MATH)

How Much is that Bargibant's Seahorse in the Window?

Look closely. See the little head? There’s a red circle around it. :)

The Bargibant’s seahorse (Hippocampus bargibanti) is an extremely cute little syngnathid, reaching only .79 inches (2 cm) in length and living primarily fixed to sea fans (Gorgonacea) with their li’l tails. Because of the extreme camouflage, Bargibant’s seahorses weren’t discovered until scientists were studying the sea fans they were attached to in a lab.

There are many other different tiny seahorses like this, such as the Denise’s seahorse (H. denise), the Satomi’s seahorse (H. satomiae, the smallest seahorse in the world at just 1.4 cm), Japanese seahorse (discovered, but has not been given a binomial name. I call it “H. japonensis”) Severn’s seahorse (Hippocampus severnsi), Pontoh’s seahorse (H. pontoh), and the Walea soft coral pygmy seahorse (H. waleananus), which has a name that’s longer than the fish itself.

Bargibant’s seahorses live primarily on reefs (sea fans, duh) in the western central Pacific Ocean and live primarily on small copepods (Copepoda).

PS: FIFTIETH post. ALREADY?

O_o

Night Skies in the Ocean

This beautiful…um, rug is a Acanthozoon nigropapillosum flatworm; it is a member of the polyclad flatworms (Polycladida). Acanthozoon nigropapillosum is not only beautiful, but it’s also very widespread in the Indo-Pacific ocean, so there’s lots of hope for A. nigropapillosum in the future!

These can reach lengths of two to three inches and are found on reefs. What they eat is unknown…

…but I’m guessing cheeseburgers.

Wait, WHAT?

The Piggies of the Deep

This hilarious-looking animal is the globose sea pig (Scotoplanes globosus), and I’m seriously obsessed with them. From the time I saw my first sea pig, I was like “AWWWWWW!”

Look at them! They’re so adorable! I love them. I think they’re very chibi. (Well, maybe not that chibi.) Not only that, but…

THEY ROLL IN THE MUD.

OH. MY. YES. THESE. ARE. #awesome

(Hashtags again…ugh.)

They sift through the mud—which is actually ooze made up of dead sea angels and other planktonic organisms—and EAT EDIBLE STUFF!

Last thing: Watch this video and you’ll REALLY like sea piggiez :3

Admit it. You love them :3

Garçon! A French Angelfish, Sil Vous Plaît!

Meet the French angelfish (Pomacanthus paru), last seen in my article on bearded fireworms (Hermodice carunculata)! These range from around the St. Paul Rocks, Ascension Island, the Gulf of Mexico, the Carribean, Brazil, the Antilles, Roatan, and Florida. Go Atlantic fish!

These live in highly populated reefs and are often seen alone or (aww) in pairs! The length is pretty big—about 17 inches—and it feeds on bryozoans, sponges, zoanthids, gorgonians, tunicates, and algae. The juveniles, on the other hand, set up cleaning stations for morays, grunts, groupers, snappers, jacks, surgeonfish, and wrasses.

Here’s what the babies look like:

Thanks for reading :3

Scary Colorful Worms.

This slightly beautiful worm is a bearded fireworm (Hermodice carunculata). It’s so pretty, right? I agree. It’s a worm from the order Polychaeta that lives in Caribbean reefs across the Antilles, the Maltese archipelago, the Mediterranean, and the waters of Cyprus. Its habitat is mostly on reefs.

Now, what’s so horrible about that?

Look out, world—the bearded fireworm is DESTROYING REEFS!!

They eat all sorts of corals, and, to make it worse, they have a sting that—well…stings?

Bearded fireworms are very slow animals, but don’t be like, “Omg haha it #canthurtme.” A) Why are you doing hashtags?; and B) YOU IDIOT IF ITS BRISTLES TOUCH YOUR SKIN THEY INJECT A NEUROTOXIN INTO YOU WHICH CAUSES BURNING AND NAUSEA!

Here’s the nice, kawaii, awesome part. The sting symptoms clear up in just about thirty minutes, and, at worst, a few hours. AND, many fish are currently doing their part to control the bearded fireworm population. These include the creole fish (Clepticus parrae, which, as a bonus, is absolutely beautiful):

the pineapplefish (Cleidopus gloriamaris)—these things are adorable, by the way; “gloriamaris” means “glory of the sea”:

and the absolutely beautiful French angelfish (Pomacanthus paru):

By the way, young P. paru look way different. I’ll save that as a surprise in a later post…

KoC Fact: Grunions are Oceanic Piggies.

This is the small California grunion (Leuresthes tenue), which can grow to a slightly surprising 7½ inches (19 cm). It lives in…

California! Ha. I’m so smart.

They are related to rainbowfish (Bedotiidae and Melanotaeniidae), which is slightly odd, as they look nothing alike. They also are related to the topsmelt (Atherinops affinis).

They remind me a lot of pigs (Sus spp.) because of the fact that they like to roll in the mud on the beach! :) Cute. Until you realize they’re laying eggs.

Moving on.