WHY I DON'T LIVE IN ENGLAND.

MISLEADING TITLE ALERT!! *** I don’t live in England because I was actually not born there. I have actually never even been there. I’ve never been out of the country in which I reside. I don’t even have a passport. Thank you for listening to this long, boring, unimportant-to-our-post story.

Meet our likely candidate for Weirdest Snail Ever Award. It’s called Eucampe elastica! (It’s also called Akera bullata, Bulla akera, Bulla resiliens, or Aaera bullata because nobody can make up their mind)

You get the picture. I hope.

Though the shells above look really plain and boring and unexciting, the E. elastica has skin covering its shell. This is because it’s a type of sea hare, and sea hares are weird. Not only do they swim away from danger with their wings (I mean flaps of skin), they also shoot ink like a wannabe octopus.

And Eucampe elastica is a special case. Because it LOOKS LIKE A TREE. Just let that sink in . It is a little swimming tree. It’s like if broccoli could swim

I want one as a pet but I don't live in England because it's too scary because there a weird little trees swimming around your toes as you wade D:

Apparently they're also called "royal flush sea slugs," I don't know what that's about but then again I don't play poker

Here's one swimming:

https://wn.com/akera_bullata

See? It's a tree. A floppy one :| It's like one of those discs that people used to use. (Were those actually floppy?)

SPECIAL NOSES!

At first glance this butterfly looks normal.

Then you realize it has a big nose. Which in itself is rather glorious but it’s a little bit scary as well. It reminds me of many people I have met.

It's called an American snout (Lybitheana carinenta), which is nice, because it has a snout. Snout is one of my favorite words

Disturbingly, the “snout” on this li’l guy is its mouthparts (boringly called its “labial palpi”). It’s found in both North and South America, so if you live in either of the two chances are you can find a few in the spring or summer (hooray! I’ll catch ALL of the snouts in New York. What sounded kind of strange…).

The caterpillars eat Celtis plants. I don't know what that is. It sounds BITT.

NOT FAT

This crab is just…remarkably beautiful. And I’m not joking at all—it’s got everything a crab should, a sky-colored belly, red legs/claws with dainty yellow tips, Easter egg–pink eyes (I'll never understand), and an orangey-yellow body.

Meet the red sally-lightfoot (Grapsus grapsus), not to be confused with the ugly painted sally-lightfoot (Percnon gibbesi), which is also known as the nimble spraycrab. (deep breath) Painted sally-lightfoots are pretty—TASTELESS, (haha) with random brown/blue/red patches. Not a fan.  I totally am.

Naturally, with my luck, it lives nowhere near my humble abode, residing on the west coast from California all the way down to Peru. PEOPLE aren’t as common as this crab! (Okay, maybe that was a bit of a metaphor.)

The African version is the Ascension Island sally-lightfoot (Grapsus adscensionis).

Ascension Island sally-lightfoot
(Grapsus adscensionis)

Red “sallies” enjoy cleaning ticks off marine iguanas (Amblyrhynchus cristatus).

What a way to make a living.

SMOL TODE

These are Kihansi spray toads (Nectophrynoides asperginis), and they are being captive-bred currently at the Bronx Zoo.

And oh, my gosh. They only grow to an inch. Compare that to cane toad (Rhinella marina), which grows to 15 INCHES and can weigh up to 5.8 POUNDS.

R U SAYING IM FAT??

Oh, hee hee…didn’t know one reads this blog. Moving on.


Toads really can't spell wow ^^^

So yeah.

The Kihansi spray toad is native to the Kihansi waterfalls in the southern Udzungwa mountains (betcha never heard of those!). The Udzungwas are in Tanzania. Because of the fact that the Kihansi dam was built, the Kihansi spray toad has become extinct in the wild. However, the Bronx Zoo has reintroduced 100 individuals back into the wild. They are faring fairly well, except that they have had outbreaks of chytrid fungus (Chytridiomycota). that sounds devastating ^_^

They are also found in the Bronx. (guess why1!!!111!!!)

YUMMY

See this bird? Isn’t it cute? It’s called a delicious manakin (Machaeropterus deliciosus).

Where has this world come to? I mean, how is this bird delicious? Do people eat it? I mean, it’s so small, it would be a turkey dinner to the Biggest Loser (or maybe an evil gerbil)

I guess it’s cute? But why would they call it that? How could they be so cruel?

It also makes "mechanical sounds with its remiges." This means its feathers make robotic noises when it's displaying.

You know what? I'm going to just call it a club-winged manakin like the slightly more sane scientists do.

SO…SPARKLY +3+

This is a splendid fairywren (Malurus splendens), which is great. It’s native to Australia, especially Queensland and New South Wales.

They eat bugs. If bugs make you this awesome-looking, I honestly will take to eating bugs.

Apparently crickets taste like apples! So it shouldn't be too hard to change my diet like that

IT EATS STARFISH!

Nomming on a starfish

This is the harlequin shrimp (Hymenocera elegans), a saltwater shrimp that lives on coral reefs in the Pacific and Indian oceans, typically in Hawaii.

They like a warm temperature of 72° - 82°F.

But the best thing about these shrimp is their diet.

As in the last picture above, it’s eating a starfish! (Which is fine by me because I don't like starfish. SPECIESISM)

Er, sorry, starfish fans…I just hate them. With a passion.

They are not to be confused with the freshwater Sulawesi shrimp (Caridina spongicola), which looks like this:

It's also called a harlequin shrimp because people like being confusing :(

LICE

 <--- lookin good

This is the tongue-eating louse (Cymothoa exigua). They eat fish’s faces and they even inspired a horror movie, “Bay.”

Not watching that

They live in tropical seas and as you can sea (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA) they eat fish tongues. So do some people who like weird sushis

Said people also eat horses O_O

me --->

FAMILY

This is a dawnray watchdog goby (Stonogobiops nematodes) and its friend, a Randall’s pistol shrimp (Alpheus randalli). They form a tiny family in a hole in the mud. Of course they can’t have children together. Then again that’s a good thing ’cuz their children would look like weird shrimp-goby-monsters with huge claws that make sonic booms.

Dawnray watchdog gobies live in the Indian and Pacific Oceans, in places like Seychelles, Bali, and the Philippines. And you know what? SO DO THE SHRIMP. I wonder why?

It's called a pistol shrimp because, when threatened, it blows a bubble and then pops it with its claw, creating a deafening sound that can be heard from up to six miles away! YAY!

Why is it called a watchdog goby?

Pistol shrimp are almost blind (like me!!!). So they live with the watchdog goby. If the goby senses danger, it warns the shrimp to retreat to their house, which is a tunnel in the mud (there's no accounting for taste, i mean some people live in houses shaped like toilets)

The shrimp builds the tunnel while the goby guards it so the shrimp doesn’t get eaten. I wish my friends were like that

The goby grows to 2.4 inches in length, while the shrimp grows to half that size, 1.2. (IM SO GOOD AT MATH)

TRIOPS VIDEO

Triops longicaudatus—aka the American tadpole shrimp—is a species of…thing from group of animals that are unchanged for 70,000,000 years.

Here are some of mine swimming.

They have since died. They're like fish lol